Business Correspondence Critique (Post #3)
The following email was received recently following my enquiry regarding the furthering of my studies at Murdoch University.
From: Murdoch University
To: Bryan Zhao
Subject: Murdoch University
Dear Bryan,
Thank you for your inquiry regarding Advanced Standing at Murdoch University.
You may be eligible for Advance Standing (credit and unit exemptions) towards an Undergraduate Degree at Murdoch University on the basis of your previous studies at a recognised university, polytechnic or college.
Please note that postgraduate applicants are not usually eligible for credit transfer.
A CREDIT reduces the number of credit points from the total number of points required for your particular course. It is awarded at specific levels:
· Credit at Part I refers to first year level.
· Credit at Part II refers to second and third year level.
Your course will require you to achieve a certain number of credit points at particular levels.
An EXEMPTION reduces the requirement for that particular unit to be taken.
If you are successful in being awarded credit but no exemptions, you can still use your credit to reduce your general electives, providing the credit is at an appropriate level (Part I or Part II). You can only use your credit toward required units and course electives if you are awarded specific exemptions for those units.
You can gain a better understanding of this process from the Advanced Standing Website at: http://www.murdoch.edu.au/International-students/Murdoch-entry-requirements/Advanced-standing
The University Handbook also provides you with guidelines regarding Advanced Standing guidelines: http://handbook.murdoch.edu.au/
Assessment for Advanced Standing
In order for the International Accreditation Officer to assess your qualification for Advanced Standing please provide the following documentation:
· An original or certified copy of all your statement of results (academic transcripts); and
· Evidence of completion of diploma degree (graduation certificate).
To assess your previous studies for Exemptions you will need to provide the following:
· the unit descriptions for the units you have completed at another institution that you think substantially duplicates the content of the core units offered under the Murdoch Bachelor degree you wish to undertake.
If the above documents are in a language other than English you must submit certified translations of your previous studies.
At Murdoch University there are two basic criteria that you must satisfy in order to graduate with a Murdoch degree:
· You must achieve the total number of credit points required for your particular course. A three year undergraduate degree at Murdoch typically requires a total of 72 points.
· You must successfully complete all the required Core Units and any Specified Electives of your course.
I hope that this information has satisfied your enquiry. Should you have any further inquiries please do not hesitate to contact us on '+ 61 3 9627 4809.
Warm regards
Novika
International Enquiry Officer
Murdoch International
Murdoch University
Murdoch 6150
Western Australia
T: +61 3 9627 4809
F: +61 8 9310 5090
W: www.murdoch.edu.au/international-students
E: internat@murdoch.edu.au
CRICOS Provider Code - 00125J
_______________________________________________________________________
Generally, the email had an appropriate format. The salutation made clear that the email was intended for me. The enclosure was well substantiated with contact details for further inquiry. However, the subject heading, ‘Murdoch University’, could have been more detailed. Also, there was slight inconsistency in the format as after the salutation a comma was placed, but the sender signed off without a comma.
The email can be further analyzed adopting the 7Cs as heuristics. The opening was courteous. This also builds a friendly tone, which was appropriate as it portrays the essence of welcoming a student to the university.
Concreteness is shown in the specification of levels at which credits are offered and can be used.
There was substantial use of paragraphing. Boldface and capitals were also used to place emphasis on certain words. These contributed to clarity of the message.
The repeated use of ‘you’, an example of active-voice sentences, emphasizes the topic and improves conciseness. However, there are wordy expressions, such as ‘If you are successful in being awarded…’, which could be shortened.
The email was complete since it included adequate information such as explanation of the credit system, required documents for application and websites for reference.
There was coherence as ideas were linked in an orderly and logical fashion, by first explaining the credit system followed by how students are assessed for advanced standing. However, there was minimal cohesion, possibly due to the paragraphing of single sentences.
Lastly, language was correctly used, with appropriate usage of grammar and formality level.
Overall, this email was effective in clarifying my doubts and it has left me with a good impression of the university. Though there is room for further analysis of this email, I’ve reached the word limit. Thus, my fellow coursemates, do critique this email and together enhance our business correspondence skills.
From: Murdoch University
To: Bryan Zhao
Subject: Murdoch University
Dear Bryan,
Thank you for your inquiry regarding Advanced Standing at Murdoch University.
You may be eligible for Advance Standing (credit and unit exemptions) towards an Undergraduate Degree at Murdoch University on the basis of your previous studies at a recognised university, polytechnic or college.
Please note that postgraduate applicants are not usually eligible for credit transfer.
A CREDIT reduces the number of credit points from the total number of points required for your particular course. It is awarded at specific levels:
· Credit at Part I refers to first year level.
· Credit at Part II refers to second and third year level.
Your course will require you to achieve a certain number of credit points at particular levels.
An EXEMPTION reduces the requirement for that particular unit to be taken.
If you are successful in being awarded credit but no exemptions, you can still use your credit to reduce your general electives, providing the credit is at an appropriate level (Part I or Part II). You can only use your credit toward required units and course electives if you are awarded specific exemptions for those units.
You can gain a better understanding of this process from the Advanced Standing Website at: http://www.murdoch.edu.au/International-students/Murdoch-entry-requirements/Advanced-standing
The University Handbook also provides you with guidelines regarding Advanced Standing guidelines: http://handbook.murdoch.edu.au/
Assessment for Advanced Standing
In order for the International Accreditation Officer to assess your qualification for Advanced Standing please provide the following documentation:
· An original or certified copy of all your statement of results (academic transcripts); and
· Evidence of completion of diploma degree (graduation certificate).
To assess your previous studies for Exemptions you will need to provide the following:
· the unit descriptions for the units you have completed at another institution that you think substantially duplicates the content of the core units offered under the Murdoch Bachelor degree you wish to undertake.
If the above documents are in a language other than English you must submit certified translations of your previous studies.
At Murdoch University there are two basic criteria that you must satisfy in order to graduate with a Murdoch degree:
· You must achieve the total number of credit points required for your particular course. A three year undergraduate degree at Murdoch typically requires a total of 72 points.
· You must successfully complete all the required Core Units and any Specified Electives of your course.
I hope that this information has satisfied your enquiry. Should you have any further inquiries please do not hesitate to contact us on '+ 61 3 9627 4809.
Warm regards
Novika
International Enquiry Officer
Murdoch International
Murdoch University
Murdoch 6150
Western Australia
T: +61 3 9627 4809
F: +61 8 9310 5090
W: www.murdoch.edu.au/international-students
E: internat@murdoch.edu.au
CRICOS Provider Code - 00125J
_______________________________________________________________________
Generally, the email had an appropriate format. The salutation made clear that the email was intended for me. The enclosure was well substantiated with contact details for further inquiry. However, the subject heading, ‘Murdoch University’, could have been more detailed. Also, there was slight inconsistency in the format as after the salutation a comma was placed, but the sender signed off without a comma.
The email can be further analyzed adopting the 7Cs as heuristics. The opening was courteous. This also builds a friendly tone, which was appropriate as it portrays the essence of welcoming a student to the university.
Concreteness is shown in the specification of levels at which credits are offered and can be used.
There was substantial use of paragraphing. Boldface and capitals were also used to place emphasis on certain words. These contributed to clarity of the message.
The repeated use of ‘you’, an example of active-voice sentences, emphasizes the topic and improves conciseness. However, there are wordy expressions, such as ‘If you are successful in being awarded…’, which could be shortened.
The email was complete since it included adequate information such as explanation of the credit system, required documents for application and websites for reference.
There was coherence as ideas were linked in an orderly and logical fashion, by first explaining the credit system followed by how students are assessed for advanced standing. However, there was minimal cohesion, possibly due to the paragraphing of single sentences.
Lastly, language was correctly used, with appropriate usage of grammar and formality level.
Overall, this email was effective in clarifying my doubts and it has left me with a good impression of the university. Though there is room for further analysis of this email, I’ve reached the word limit. Thus, my fellow coursemates, do critique this email and together enhance our business correspondence skills.
posted by Bryan at
9:22 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Bryan!
your analysis of this business email was clear and detailed yet straight forward. good effort=)
Generally, I agree that this email provided sufficient information as well as the relevent links which could aid in further understanding on the school's system and the way they function. The information provided was also clear with adequate elaboration. However, I do agree with you that the paragraphing in thsi email is rather awkward as some of the points could have been merged into a parapragh.
However, I feel that this email could have been shortened if they ommitted the explanation on the terms "CREDIT" and "EXEMPTION" as the explanation for these terms are already included in the websites provided. Hence, the email would be less lengthy.
Overall, this email is well-written with few structural, grammatical and punctuation errors.
Cheers,
Cassandra
Hi Bryan!
Despite the lengthiness of the email, you made a thorough and meticulous effort in the critique. Thumbs up for the effort!
The format and layout of this email was properly addressed as standard components were included. As you pointed out, however, the subject line was not apt in providing the reader with the immediate crux of the reply.
The sender took note of the formality as the overall tone was cordial and polite.
There was strong product knowledge displayed by the sender through the cohesiveness of the reply: she made an opening with the eligibility of studies, following up with the explanation of credits, its requirements and exemptions and subsequently the graduation criteria, even taking the effort to be concise and include only details necessary for comprehension of the jargon.
Besides conspicuous errors in the subject line and the inconsistency in punctuation as you pointed out, there was an awkward fragment in the 3rd paragraph, in which I thought “…applicants are usually not eligible” sounds more appropriate. Also, should it not be “...contact us at…” instead of using on?
Cheers,
Desmond
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