Resolving Interpersonal Conflict (Post #2)
I was involved in an interpersonal conflict with Kim (not her real name) in junior college when I, as the vice captain of the track team, was registering members to compete in the National Schools Track and Field Championships. Kim was a talented sprinter and thus a good representative in the 4x100m girls relay team. However, she was tepid in committing to trainings as the exams were approaching as well. As we had limited talented athletes for the girls relay team, Kim reluctantly agreed to be registered for the 4x100m race.
Over the following weeks, Kim was inconsistent in attending trainings. She complained of insufficient study time. The coach and other members of the relay team became concerned of her irregular attendance as it was important for the team to train together. The other girls of the relay team had hopes of doing well in the competition but were aware they needed Kim’s participation for a good race. There was pressure was on me to persuade Kim to commit to the competition as Kim was a close friend of mine and we shared a common clique of friends. Though puzzled and antagonized by the way Kim was acting, I had to manage my feelings well as some of my friends in the clique became wary of the situation Kim had caused and began commenting about Kim’s irresponsibility.
The race was in two days’ time and Kim became persistent that she no longer wanted to compete. The other members of the relay team were demoralized as they knew they would not qualify for the finals if Kim had to be substituted. If I could not handle this situation well, the teacher-in-charge would probably view me as an incompetent leader.
What could I have done to encourage Kim to compete in the race, without jeopardizing our friendship?
Over the following weeks, Kim was inconsistent in attending trainings. She complained of insufficient study time. The coach and other members of the relay team became concerned of her irregular attendance as it was important for the team to train together. The other girls of the relay team had hopes of doing well in the competition but were aware they needed Kim’s participation for a good race. There was pressure was on me to persuade Kim to commit to the competition as Kim was a close friend of mine and we shared a common clique of friends. Though puzzled and antagonized by the way Kim was acting, I had to manage my feelings well as some of my friends in the clique became wary of the situation Kim had caused and began commenting about Kim’s irresponsibility.
The race was in two days’ time and Kim became persistent that she no longer wanted to compete. The other members of the relay team were demoralized as they knew they would not qualify for the finals if Kim had to be substituted. If I could not handle this situation well, the teacher-in-charge would probably view me as an incompetent leader.
What could I have done to encourage Kim to compete in the race, without jeopardizing our friendship?
posted by Bryan at
1:07 AM
5 Comments:
Hi Bryan, the situation sounds really sticky and it must have been hard on you back then!
Anyway, I think the best way to approach her would be to tell her straight how you feel, as well as how the others feel but in a tactical way. Mention to her that this race is important to many others, and they really hope that she can participate since she is a good runner. Tell her nicely that because she has decided to sign up for the competition and it does not involve her alone, it is only fair for her to turn up for trainings and complete it.
Then listen to her side of the story and try to understand if she really has insufficient time for her studies. If she is really persistent to not compete, then tell her that you understand and wish her all the best in her studies. Also tell her that she would explain her situation to the other girls in the team herself.
If this happens, I believe that the teacher-in-charge wouldn't view you as an incompetent leader if you explained to him what you have done and that you have already tried your best.
That's just about what you could have done. It is a tough situation, but I guess the best you could have done was to approach her with total honesty about how you feel. =)
Regards,
Shu Ting
Hi Bryan,
Changing one’s mentality is difficult and to persuade someone to change his or her views within a short period of time is definitely a challenging task.
It seems like Kim was not interested in the race from the beginning since she agreed with reluctance. Hence, it might be helpful to capture her interest in some ways. For example, you could try to motivate her to join the race by emphasizing that this is an annual event and a great platform for her to showcase her talent and achieve glory for the school.
It would be a good idea to have a good chat with her to find out her true concerns and assure her that the race would not affect her studies since it would be in two days time. Showing appreciation of her talents is a good way of motivating her and telling her about the disappointment of others might trigger the remorse in her. As a friend of hers, you could express that you believe that she is not a selfish person who would sacrifice others’ interest for herself and you could understand her concerns. Even if this is not really case, express your sincerity and it helps to affirm your trust and concern for her as a friend and not only as a leader. Meanwhile, you could assure other team members that you were trying your best to persuade Kim and encourage them not to give up.
Being a leader is a difficult yet rewarding experience. I am sure the amount of satisfaction not only comes from the achievements attained but also the obstacles you have overcome along the way. Hope my two cent’s worth helps!
Jie Li
Hi Bryan,
I loathe such situations and it is a real dilemma.
Either Kim had superiority complex or that she really had trouble with her school work. The next best step is to talk to her personally and explain the situation at hand. But before you do that, it is best to find out her struggles and empathize with her via face-to-face contact.
Being a leader it is important that you are able to empathize as well as motivate her. Reassure and affirm her that she is indispensable to the team and that the team needs her just for this short period of time.
However, if she is still insistent on concentrating on her studies, then you should respect her decision and explain it to the team. Meanwhile, your job is to continue to keep the morale of the team high. Focus on the positives and not the negatives. Though the team may feel disappointed, you must not allow such negativity to erode any chances to win the race. You have to encourage the team to move on.
I'm sure this way your team and your teacher would regard highly of you and know that you've done your best in such circumstances. In retrospect, such experience will definitely be invaluable in honing your leadership skills.
Cheers,
Mario
Hi Bryan,
This is a typical situation a leader may face and a tough job!
In my opinion, you should approach Kim as a close friend and try to get to know how she values the competition and the exams. Since she is apparently anxious about the exams, spot the specific subject she is weak in. To remove her concern, a possible solution is to promise to get someone to help her with the exam preparation for that subject; reassure her that the competition is over so soon and the school work lagged behind in the 2 days can be easily made up with the help of **(someone strong in study).
Next, tell her how important she is to the relay team. Try to motivate her that the relay team is promising to get in the finals with her participation and currently how demoralized other girls in the team are without her.
Hmm, if this doesn’t work, figure out other solutions :P
Regards
Nie Jing
Hi everyone,
Thanks for all your wonder suggestions. Here's a short update on the outcome of the conflict. Thankfully, this interpersonal conflict was resolved in time for the competition. After much coaxing from me, Kim eventually agreed that it was a little selfish on her part to be neglecting the team for self interests. Thus, the team managed to compete in the qualifying race and went on to the finals. From this incident, I learnt that sincerity, understanding and encouragement can help resolve situations such as this. Moreover, as cliche as it may sound, conflicts do build stronger relationships. Kim and I remain best friends still today.
Regards,
Bryan
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